3 Learnings from a City on Fire (on My Birthday)
What to remember when life feels upside down.
A couple weeks ago my 7-yr old daughter and I were doing our nighttime routine, which includes a daily reflection and gratitude journal. One part of the daily worksheet includes coloring in a cartoon face of emotions you felt that day. More often than not, my daughter colors in one happy face and one sad face.
When I asked her why she likes to pick two faces, she said: "Because I feel happy and sad at the same time every day."
The profundity of her insight hit me hard.
I tend to polarize my own experiences to feel like I'm in control. "It was a good day." Or, "it was a bad day."
But most days do hold both at the same time.
Today is my birthday and as most of the States know, right now Los Angeles, California, my home for 40+ years, has been affected by multiple devastating fires. It will take years to rebuild what's been lost and to reinstate businesses, not to mention the ripple effects of what this will do for wildlife, climate, mental health, and more.
It's been apocalyptic in so many ways. One night I watched from my balcony as a wall of flames crested over the mountains and I packed a few suitcases of our most treasured items in case we had to evacuate.
And, in many ways, there have been miraculous, amazing happenings that have happened in the fires. Generosity, connection, community, and hundreds of helpers coming to support our city. I found myself moved to tears with the stories of support.
The last week really brought out the contrast of life. The happy and the sad. Both.
I had a wonderful session with my therapist today and I processed a lot. I'm holding my birthday and so much goodness in one hand and trauma, sadness, and bewilderment in the other.
Below is what I got clear on. This isn't just for a wildfire crisis... this is for you no matter what big life thing you're experiencing.
1. True safety is within you.
No matter what's happening in the outside world, and no matter what other people are saying/doing, the only way to find true safety is within your own heart and mind. How you talk to yourself and how you treat yourself impacts this.
No one else can give you a sense of real, unshakable peace. Only you can.
2. You deserve your grief.
There are many layers to grief, and you deserve to feel grief no matter what layer you're in. In the fires, I have been physically safe and unharmed, but the psychological stress has been intense. From that, grief began to come forward. Grief for the history of Los Angeles, grief for the people who were hurting, and grief for the years it will require to rebuild.
Just because you aren't directly impacted by something doesn't mean you aren't affected. Grief is a natural part of processing big, scary, unknown dynamics.
3. You need people.
Genuine connection and community is the healing balm for life. Every text and call that someone made to check snapped me out of a zombie-like state and made me feel human again. I felt my heart warm and my emotional armor come off. Most of my engagements have been virtual, but the few instances where I have seen other people in person has been overwhelmingly healing.
The hugs, the eye contact, and the human connection reset my nervous system. I felt known, safe, and seen. Tears came as I let myself be witnessed and held in the chaos of our city.
We need people in AND out of crisis. Connection is queen.
I'm curious: Do you resonate with this? What stands out most for you?
Lastly, I'm deeply committed to helping people create an unshakable sense of self-trust like I mentioned above. The kind of trust that means you listen to your own wisdom and act on it regardless of popular opinion.
If you are committed to taking action to grow that muscle of self-trust, reply back to me here and we'll talk totally free. No strings attached.
This is my birthday gift to YOU.
From a city on fire,
