Friendship: Assembly Required
The Breakups, Makeups, and Magic of Grown-Up Relationships
Hi. I’m Sarah, and I am historically MESSY when it comes to relationships of all sorts.
I’ve been divorced twice, left multiple jobs on very poor terms, gotten messy with clients at times, walked away from friendships I wish I would have stayed in -- and waited way too long to leave others.
Can you relate to any of that?
This fall, we’re shifting the theme and focus of this content (and upcoming firesides) to The Art of Friendship. It’s the most needed connection for any human to be healthy (it’s #3 on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs after all), and yet there aren’t classes generally teaching about this critical part of all human experience.
Friendship is a learn-as-you-go class in Life.
As I share my own experiences and stories here, as well as hard data and research, I hope this helps YOU make the best choices in your own friendships. — Sarah
The IKEA of Human Connection
Friendship is not one-size-fits-all, so there is no equation for what makes an ideal friendship. It’s more like assembling IKEA furniture: the instructions are vague (but it looks so simple!), the pieces don’t always fit neatly, and sometimes you wonder if you’re building a bookshelf or a spaceship.
But when it clicks? You know the price of entry was worth it.
Friends Come in for a Reason, Season, or Lifetime
Many of us don’t pause to really think about our friendships. We tend to go along with the “default setting” of our friendships until something happens that shakes us out of our regularly scheduled programming.
Allow me to share a concept that helped me personally understand my own relationships more effectively — thanks to the phraseology my friend, Rhielle, gave me once.
Friendships generally fall into three categories:
A Reason: Friends who show up to teach us something.
A Season: Friends who walk beside us during a particular chapter.
A Lifetime: Rare companions who are in it for the long haul.
The tricky part? Friendships shift and change as life evolves. A “forever” friend may fade, while a seasonal friend surprises you by sticking around.
“Healthy friendships require trust, equity (not just equality), and clarity about your values.”
DATA: The Stakes Are Higher Than You Think
This isn’t just about feelings. Research shows that strong social connections are linked to a 50% increased chance of longevity.*
Loneliness, meanwhile, has been compared to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.**
Translation: the quality of your friendships isn’t just a “nice-to-have” — it could literally lengthen (or shorten) your life.
Friendship Maintenance: Conversations and Goodbyes
Like romantic partnerships, friendships require reflection, attention, and ongoing renegotiation. Sometimes that means having a hard, honest conversation. Other times, it’s quietly letting go because the other person simply isn’t available.
Neither makes you a bad person; it makes you human.
And while no one hands you a manual, here’s the truth: people with satisfying friendships report lower stress, stronger immunity, and greater resilience in hard times. Investing in connection is investing in yourself.
Reflection Questions
Who in your life lets you be your full, unedited self?
Which friendships feel balanced in give-and-take — and which feel lopsided?
Are there friendships you’re holding onto out of guilt, rather than genuine connection?
Action Prompt
Take inventory of your current friendships. Identify one “reason,” one “season,” and one “lifetime” friend. Notice how each category has shaped you, and what that says about what you value in connection.
Are you willing to share your takeaways with me? Reply here and I'll respond immediately.
With love,
Citations: *Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010 | **Holt-Lunstad, 2015
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